


bound to answer [35/52]

by andrea_deer



Series: 52 aspec drabbles/ficlets [35]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: 52 aspec drabbles, 9+1, Angst, Aromantic Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Aromantic Character, Bisexual Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, F/M, Grayromantic Character, M/M, POV Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, angsty ending, aromantic replies to love confessions, canon angsty ending, mentions of patient's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22550836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrea_deer/pseuds/andrea_deer
Summary: „I don't react too well to love declarations,” he confessed still focused on the sock dilemma. „Especially when I'm busy having a good time!”„Hawk?”Hawkeye hummed in response, looking up to meet Trapper's charming grin.„I love you.”„Good for you.”Nine times Hawkeye doesn't have a good answer to a love confession and one time he doesn't even have an option to respond.35th of 52 aspec drabbles (I will finish this series one day, so help me whoever)
Relationships: "Trapper" John McIntyre & Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, "Trapper" John McIntyre/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Benjamin Frankling "Hawkeye" Pierce/OFC
Series: 52 aspec drabbles/ficlets [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/627863
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	bound to answer [35/52]

**Author's Note:**

> title from: Anything Goes - Frank Sinatra, Nelson Riddle  
>  _So though I'm not a great romancer_  
>  I know that you're bound to answer  
> When I propose, anything goes
> 
> Hawkeye's replies inspired by [this post](https://spectrumbunny.tumblr.com/post/139648706253/aromantic-responses-to-i-love-you)
> 
> This is not exactly the clear-cut aspec representation I wanted to bring you from M*A*S*H but don't worry. This fandom will definitely be back in this series. ;)

**One – "Uh"**

Nurse Kathreen Mayers was beautiful and tall, and smart enough to be fun even outside of the inventory tent. She also smelled like another nurse, and far it be from Hawkeye to judge either her extracurricular social gatherings or socialistic tendencies to share the goods, but a bored mind looks for a riddle. And Hawkeye was determined to figure out where he knew this smell from.

It was all flowery, jasmine probably, he was willing to bet. Different from the rosy smells of the perfumes offered by their regular travelling salesman which were most popular among the nurse population.

Hawkeye kissed along Mayers' neck, nuzzling into her delicate skin and enjoying her shivers while trying to jog his memory. He was well aware the time for this particular riddle was running out. He took Mayers on a few dates already, it wouldn't do to show some sort of favouritism.

„Hawkeye," she whimpered, holding him closer as he left a trail of small bites right up to her earlobe.

Maybe it wasn't any of their nurses? Maybe it was someone who was just passing through their camp. He tried to remember what nurse Anderson smelled like, she was transferred to another MASH almost right away but they've managed to get briefly acquainted... As Mayers shifted against the shelf she was bracing on, pressing tighter against him, it was very hard to focus. He gave a small tag to her rumpled shirt, freeing it from the tight belt and sliding his hand underneath, teasing the skin on her lower back. She gasped, her face pressed tightly to his shoulder.

„Oh, I love you, Hawk."

„Uh."

Nurses didn't call him 'Hawk', he thought before his brain finally caught up and he focused on touching and kissing with more intent in hope of distracting her.

Mayers' small hands suddenly found themselves on his chest, pushing vigorously.

„Hawkeye, stop!"

„Stop?" he asked with a smile, taking a small step back and lifting his hands in a classic surrender gesture. „I thought you said you loved it!"

„I said I love _you_!"

„Oooh! Well, I assure you it was all me doing!" He wriggled his fingers, his hands still raised in hope of peace.

She crossed her arms and wisely he shifted further away.

„Is that all you have to say on the matter?"

„Well-"

He thought fast but clearly not fast enough. She scoffed, pushing her shirt back down. She walked out of the room before he managed to come up with anything that would save him. All he got for his trouble was an 'accidental' kick to the sheen. He yelped in surprise, annoyed at the US army for equipping its nurses so thoroughly.

„Hutchinson!" he suddenly realized, busy rubbing off the pain.

It was probably a blessing he didn't blurt _that_ out while still busy with Mayers. He would be lucky if he could walk after that, relief of a solved riddle notwithstanding.

**Two – "Good for you"**

Trapper seemed surprised to see Hawkeye at the Swamp so early and made a show of looking at his watch.

„Performance issues?"

Hawkeye graced the question with a smile-imitating grimace it deserved.

„I might've pulled that relationship on for a tad too long."

„I told ya! And all that just to figure out she smelled like Hutchinson!"

Hawkeye stared dumbly at him.

„You knew all along?!"

Trapper grinned, seeming incredibly proud of himself. Whether it was because he figured it out before Hawkeye or because he managed to stay quiet about it until a more dramatic moment was anyone's guess.

„I strang her too long! She got feelings!"

„Oh no," Trapper's faux sad face was hardly helpful and Hawkeye debated throwing his dirty socks at him.

It would solve the problem of moving the stink of his bunk as well, but knowing Trap he would never see the socks again and they were still mostly in one piece.

„I don't react too well to love declarations," he confessed still focused on the sock dilemma. „Especially when I'm busy having a good time!"

Trapper hollered with laughter which really was an exaggeration, even if Hawkeye liked the sound enough not to mention it.

„Hawk?"

Hawkeye hummed in response, looking up to meet Trapper's charming grin.

„I love you."

„Good for you."

Trapper burst out laughing again, slapping his leg in mirth.

„You're right, Hawk, you're shit at it!"

All things considered, he deserved no mercy and some sacrifices had to be made in the warzone.

Hawkeye chucked the dirty socks at him.

**Three & Four – "This is so weird" & "Great"**

The Officer Club was full, loud and free of the romantic atmosphere which at the moment suited Hawkeye just fine. He was re-reading a letter from home which hardly required the level of focus he was giving it, but it did supply him with a half-way believable cover for ignoring the nurses giving him the stink eye. It seemed the news of his emotional faux pas has spread but still not wildly enough for him to run for his life.

Bugs in the cot were a more likely level of retaliation at the time and really if that was a punishment for a broken heart than he had to hurt Korea really badly before he even got here.

„Is this seat taken?" Hot Lips asked, falling somewhat disgracefully on a chair opposite him before he managed to respond.

„You clearly need it more than I do, major."

„Thank you," she replied, ignoring or not recognizing the sarcasm.

She took his glass and finished the scotch in one long gulp.

„And the drink as well," he allowed, his eyebrows raising as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

She slammed the glass down and looked back at Hawkeye, determined and smiling. _Sharks shed their teeth through life_ , he caught himself thinking suddenly. Possibly entirely out of context.

„Pierce, I've been thinking-"

„Always dangerous but especially under the influence," he said snatching a beer from a tray as Klinger walked by, deciding he needs it more than whoever it was meant for. Klinger seemed to agree as he barely scowled.

„Don't drink and think is what I always say. Complete waste of drink."

„I don't love Frank."

He almost choked on the beer but managed to recover eventually. He leaned in eagerly, pressing closer to her over the table. Weirdly enough Hot Lips also didn't smell like the most common rose perfume. More heavy tones. Choice? Gift? Frank? Ha!

„Good! Nobody loves Frank! His ferret mother abandoned him on a human's threshold!"

„I think I've always liked funny guys-"

„He's not funny, Margaret. He's tragic, really."

„No, I mean... I think...." She took his hands in hers before looking him in the eyes again. „I think I love you, Pierce."

He wasn't entirely sure if he went deaf or the whole Officer Club, music box included, stopped breathing.

„This is so weird," he said weakly. Mostly meaning the sudden confession but also the absolute silence.

She snapped her hands away.

„ _This is so weird_?!" she repeated, voice rising almost to her usual shriek. „You're pathetic."

The nurses cheered.

Hawkeye barely glared at them, busy noticing how suddenly Hot Lips seemed way more steady and sober.

„Remind McIntyre he owes me a weekend pass for this."

„I'll be happy to make a pass at you anytime!" Trapper assured loudly, moving to take her place at the table, clearly in high spirits.

She rolled her eyes at him, pointing her finger warningly, silently promising death in pain if he did not fulfil his earlier promises.

Trapper almost saluted in response, if one was not too picky about which hand it was done with and with how many fingers included and whether they happened to be holding a beer bottle at the moment. Hot Lips was very picky and highly unimpressed.

„What the heck, Trap?"

Trapper shrugged grinning, unrepentant scoundrel as always.

„I figured you just need to train up a bit." He leaned over the table, his face close to Hawkeye's enough that it was impossible not to look in his eyes. „You're really bad at this, Hawk."

Hawkeye rolled his eyes, ignoring the twist of his stomach when he realized it was not going to be another love confession.

„Don't sugarcoat it, Trap."

„Okay, you're way worse than that."

Hawkeye took a long sip of his beer and carefully refolded his letter, he almost squashed it in all the excitement. Trap moved his chair to sit next to him instead and have a better look at the nurses. Probably already planning all he could achieve while Hawkeye was in a metaphorical dog house and girls' choices were even more limited. The rosy smell of nurse's perfume already mixed on him with his usual cologne so he wasn't wasting any time. Hawkeye would hold it against him but he also waved at Klinger for more drinks so he wasn't a complete bastard.

„Hawk?"

„What?" sighed Hawkeye looking up to see his friend just a few inches away, oddly serious.

„I love you."

Hawkeye rolled his eyes.

„Great."

Trapper threw his hands in despair, nurses giggled at the display and Hawkeye ignored his stupid heart thumping like mad.

**Five - "Okay"**

„Hawkeye, I just want you to know – I love you."

„Okay."

Perhaps the booze was finally catching up with him and killing his most resistant brain cells. Or maybe it was the effect of staying in the OR for over eleven hours until the unimpressive evening turned into an even more disappointing morning. Or maybe he just wasn't a morning person. Either way, it took him too long to figure out what was going on and look around to see if Trapper stayed long enough to see this exchange and could still be killed for it. Sadly, the menace was too smart for it and counted on Hawkeye being too damn tired by the time he got to the Swamp to continue with his murderous intentions. Not entirely unfounded assumption.

„How did he get you into this, Father?"

Mulcahy shrugged, his smile easy and fresh as if he was not in the OR through the night as well.

„It seemed like a harmless enough fun."

„Harmless? Harmless?! It's practically blasphemous! Where are your standards? Your principles?!"

Mulcahy chuckled.

„I'm quite certain loving your fellow man is one of my principles," he said calmly ready to part ways now that he not so unsubtly steered Hawkeye back to the Swamp.

„Oh right!" Hawkeye called back affronted after the priest overly smug figure. He will get him when his brain can figure out how to speak again. Just for the change of pace, he hoped to catch at least a few hours of sleep before another emergency.

**Six and Seven – "Why?" and "Thanks"**

One step after another. To the Swamp, to the still, to forgetting he was a useless butcher whose patient bled out while he was sleeping. Rationally he knew there was nothing else he could have done and that he was only human and occasionally needed to sleep. But it also seemed that in this useless war there was never anything they could have done to make a difference and yet they kept doing everything they could and helping anyway.

Perhaps if he wasn't so tired, perhaps if he woke up faster when Radar came to fetch him, perhaps if he didn't joke on the way just walk faster... He probably would only be able to declare the kid dead a few minutes earlier but he couldn't be entirely sure and that was going to keep him up for a while.

„Sir!" Klinger called out, a bright spot on the huge green/grey canvas.

He was grinning brightly and completely missing Hawkeye's deadbeat looks or the sound of Trapper's feet pounding as he run from the OR to stop the maniac from going through with his mission.

„I love you, sir!"

„Why?"

He moved past the bewildered man who only now seemed to notice Hawkeye's bleak expression and Trapper's signals. Possibly because one of Trapper's waving hands smacked him right on the helmet.

„Not now, you lump! Mission cancelled!" Trapper shook his head, breathing slightly faster either due to the short run or anger. „Tell the others."

He walked fast to hover by Hawkeye who was still moving slowly but steadily to his goal.

„Others?" Hawkeye asked in a flat tone. „How many people you dragged into this? I'm now almost surprised Radar didn't make any confessions when he woke me up."

„He didn't? That cheat!"

Hawkeye snorted, stumbling into their tent and making a straight beeline for the still. He made sure to pour for both of them. Carefully edging away from the raw desperation needling at him. He sat on his chair heavily and closed his eyes, taking a long slow drink, hoping little sleep and an empty stomach will make it kick in faster. He barely even noticed the sordid taste.

Hawkeye's cot creaked and a bit later Trapper's warm hand landed carefully on his shoulder. As if he deliberately calculated where to sit, where exactly to put his palm and then meticulously arranged it to the established coordinates. Long fingers spreading warm thrill down Hawkeye's spine and sore muscles.

He wasn't sure if he leaned in or if Trapper's hand moved but one of the warm fingers just barely managed to tease the bare skin of his neck. It hardly moved but it caressed slowly the skin right above the collar. It was such a minuscule gesture it was ridiculous. Hawkeye let the air out of his lungs in a rush, hoping he will still remember how to get it back in.

„Hawk?"

Trapper's voice unusually quiet and careful, almost a whisper in the tense silence of the tent.

„Mmm?" he opened his eyes tiredly, unable not to look at his friend. So close, closer even than Hawkeye thought, their knees almost touching, their heads just inches away.

„I love you," Trap said with his ridiculous friendly grin, practically forcing Hawkeye's mouth to twitch in a smile as well.

„Thanks," he croaked quietly.

**Eight – *Obnoxious Laughter***

"Hawkeye! Just the man I wanted to see, can I borrow you for a moment?"

Hawkeye looked up from his highly unappetizing lunch with a smile.

"Sidney, at this point I think taking me out of here might be considered a life debt." He grabbed the tray to dump it on his way and followed Sidney to the exit. "Unless it involves a love confession, in which case I keep the right to ignore any life savings happening."

Sidney paused by the mess tent door, looking back puzzled at Hawkeye.

"Do I want to know what you're talking about?"

"Knowing Trap, you still might," Hawkeye assured, enjoying Sidney's growing confusion.

The man looked around, possibly checking if there was anyone present who could translate from Hawkeye's to reasonable English, but the mess tent was by now empty enough that no one bothered to listen in on them or help. Hawkeye grinned at his friend.

"What is it, Sidney? Anything we can help you with? Aside from a good poker game and a healthy dose of insanity to contemplate?"

"Yes, actually. Worthy as your offerings are. I have a patient in Tokio who went through your OR about a month ago. He is quite selective in what he remembers since he got hurt and while I got some information from his unit, I was wondering if maybe you remember the guy, what he was like here and so on. I'm getting the file but," he shrugged.

"Personal opinions are more personal? Tell me the name, vague looks and what I sew on him and I'll try to jog my memory."

"It was Seargent Evans, Thomas Evans. He was here about a month ago with a head injury he was-"

"Pierce!" Frank bellowed walking up to them, already redfaced and ready to blow up.

"- shot through the helmet. What on earth have you done to this man now?"

Hawkeye shrugged, slightly confused and counting carefully if he didn't miss his duty in post-op. It hadn't happened so far, not accidentally, but he would be hard-pressed to even say which day it was so perhaps the time has come. Or maybe Frank finally noticed the few charming lines in the letter to his wife that Hawkeye added when it was left out for far too long to be safe. Or maybe he noticed they stole the last letter _from_ his wife. In which she mentioned how glad she was Frank had found a friend in Major Houlihan and what a great man that major Houlihan seemed to be. Trapper kept that prize very carefully hidden for at least a week now, waiting for the perfect blackmail opportunity.

Or maybe it was just the pudding in the shoes.

"Who could tell? The possibilities are endless."

Sidney chuckled.

"Well, if I ever learned anything at school is to never admit anything when the principal hasn't yet mentioned why they called you in."

Hawkeye nodded vehemently, recognizing his own school tactics. He smiled politely at the still red-faced and fuming Frank who finally stopped before him but fell silent instead of his usual brash yells.

"Oh, yes, Frank? You hollered?"

"I will get him for this," Frank darkly mumbled and Hawkeye nodded vaguely but utterly lost.

"Aaall right? Message received and utterly unclear. Anything else?"

Frank took a deep breath, closed his eyes tightly, clearly bracing himself. Hawkeye just extended a look with Sidney. _'And you think I'm crazy!'_

"I love you, Pierce," Frank declared loudly and moved away so quickly he was half across the compound before Hawkeye realized what happened and howled with laughter, needing to hold on Sidney not to fall entirely on the dirt.

"Well, now I see you had reasons to be worried," Sidney noted calmly if bemusedly as Hawkeye only laughed harder.

**Nine – *Nervous Laughter***

There was a shelf sticking in Hawkeye's back, right under his shoulder blade and it was painful enough that he almost cared. It shook slightly with every move, every time Trapper pressed harder against him, every time they shifted, grinding against each other with growing abandon. He had no idea what was on the shelf. It could be bandages, could be medicine, could be a fortune in gold, he wouldn't notice either. He had a vague hope it was nothing too breakable, nothing too valuable, he hoped Trapped maybe had a bit more focus and looked. He didn't care enough to check, to move. He was pressing his whole body against Trapper, as much as he possibly could. Practically dancing on his tip-toes to push further into Trap's body, while kissing him breathlessly, desperately.

This hunger was overwhelming, perhaps more to Trapper than him, but even if it was a bit much it was still familiar. He kept craving and wanting and surviving on the tiniest of touches it felt electrifying whenever they brushed skin to skin. When the touches started sliding more and more into _'we can't really explain it as just two good friends being friendly'_ the need only grew and now that they finally managed and braved to sneak out into the inventory tent together... Hawkeye wanted everything and he wanted it now. Perhaps it was a very good thing that he was kept so tightly against the shelf, or he would be all over the place instead of deliciously trapped.

He moaned, trying to catch it, to muffle it, but Trap hooked his big palms under Hawkeye's tights and lifted him just a bit, just aiming carefully so they'd press closer together. He could feel Trapper hot and hard and so close, separated by only to pairs of fatigues.

"Mattress? Yeah?" Trapper breathed, nodding to the side to the old mattress that usually stayed upright behind the shelves.

Everyone knew why it was there and Hawkeye didn't even want to think how many people had some fun on it. He briefly wondered if Trapper pulled it out when he came before him or was it left lying there after someone from earlier who had to leave in a hurry. It hardly mattered but the idea of Trap waiting and thinking about it, about the options they had... And wanting.

Hawkeye nodded hurriedly, shuffling towards the mattress as soon as Trap gave him the space to do so. He laid down, Trapper following him too fast for it to feel anything but desperate. Hawkeye's hands already were moving back under Trapper's shirt and Trap was pressing down on him and kissing him hungrily. He raised his head a moment later, looking flushed and happy. Smiling, his stupid big eyes glittering in the tiniest light they had, his curls messed up and creating a hazy halo.

The desire was overwhelming but it was a well-known companion. Hawkeye was attracted to a lot of people and wanted them more or less desperately, sometimes hungrily even. But the feelings... Those were a rare occurrence and revolutionary every god damn time. The twist deep in his chest as he looked up at his friend and he longed to have him forever, all of him. The stupid grins, the jokes, the smell of his ridiculous cologne... He looked up in those eyes and thought he could burst with all of it swelling in his chest. It was terrifying.

"Hawk?" Trap whispered with a wicked smirk.

"No," grinned Hawkeye terrified.

He should stop him. It was a joke.

"I love you," Trap said grinning.

Hawkeye chuckled nervously and tugged him into another deep, hungry kiss before he could notice. Before Hawkeye's heart could thump away the hole in his chest. He wasn't sure how much of it was love and how much was the absolute terror of it. He pressed tighter against Trap to quiet it down.

**Plus One**

„He didn't leave anything? No note, no nothing?"

When he was a kid, young, six maybe seven, Hawkeye fell from a swing in his neighbour's backyard. He fell flat on his back, smacking his head against the ground with an impact. All air was knocked out of him and he couldn't breathe for a long moment until his lungs remembered how. It was terrifying, he started crying as soon as he had enough air to scream, but it didn't hurt at first. As if he was in so much shock the pain didn't register before his body realized what happened.

It felt a lot like this.

„Well, he did tell me to give you something but-"

„What? What?!"

He felt like shaking Radar, who was cringing and pulling away shame-faced. There was no time to be coy, dammit!

„But remember it was his idea! And I never agreed to it back when you were doing this, so I shouldn't pay extra!"

„Radar!"

„Oh, jeez." Radar stepped in closer, stiff and uncomfortable, his face twisted in a grimace. He moved in slowly and kissed Hawkeye's cheek, barely brushing his mouth against the unshaved, coarse skin. „I love you, Hawkeye."

Hawkeye closed his eyes briefly. He felt like his lungs just remembered how to breathe and he wanted to scream.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun note: When I was looking for ideas for this challenge I set on myself I told my friend to just give me a fandom, any fandom I could get into properly and write a story about an aspec character. And Megan told me to write about Hawkeye. It didn't work out quite as we planned but at least I finally watched M*A*S*H properly and discovered a new obsession that's been stuck with me for the past 5 months or so. <3
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](lordnochybaty.tumblr.com) or come to [my aspec sideblog](http://acesthetically-pleasing.tumblr.com/) for more aspec goodies :)


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